Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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