OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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