seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
