so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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