I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this boner is exhausting
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
