Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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