We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
