he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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