wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
