woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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