matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
