i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need water and some morals
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
