I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
