They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
