you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
