he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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