God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would ride that face into the sunset
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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