Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
