He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
