My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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