So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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