You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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