Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
