He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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