What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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