All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
