First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
