do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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