he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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