You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
