the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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