im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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