Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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