I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
