Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
