The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am available for nakedness
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
