in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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