So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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