It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
