i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
