Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
