mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
