Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize