I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
