Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
