i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
