just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
