yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
