I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
