If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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