that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
