Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
