A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
