Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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