omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
