I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
