We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
