Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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