i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
