Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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