I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
