I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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