And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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