It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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