Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
