i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
