got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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