I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
