I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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