I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
