Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
