i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
