I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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